Thanksgiving Far From Home
Expats on holding onto the holiday—even without the turkey, the table, or the country.
There’s no tradition as hallowed in American culture as Thanksgiving. It’s one of those rare times when even our most relentless, Slack-pinging boss is too busy loafing with family or friends to bother us.
Thanksgiving is fraught, of course—the history, the pressure it places on families, the sting it leaves for those with unconventional living situations or without Norman Rockwell-ian tables to gather around.
Yet we’re drawn to it: the insistence on gratitude, abundance, warmth, and togetherness.
Europeans treat Christmas this way. It’s sacred.
But it’s not the same.
The Gravitational Pull of Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is uniquely American. It’s elastic—a feeling more than a ceremony.
And for Americans abroad, Thanksgiving can feel like a void, a reminder that we’ve left one version of home behind.
Living abroad, you’re untethered from Thanksgiving’s rhythms—the work slow-down, the hum of home kitchens, the Friendsgivings, the long grocery store lines, the Black Friday deals and ads.
In Paris, where I live, the day passes without ceremony. No one here even notices.
When I first moved to Paris, I felt gutted realizing that even though I could find substitutes for so many things–quick manicures, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter, boutique fitness studios–there wasn’t a Paris Thanksgiving dupe on offer.
It’s a tradition you have to make.
Creating Our Own Traditions
In 2021, during my first dark start-of-winter in Paris, Thanksgiving loomed like a specter.
I was spiraling, imagining no family, no feast, no traditions, no steady stream of Friendsgiving invites. Just quiet in our apartment, scrolling through photos of my friends and family back home, cozy and full.
Matt, my wonderful now-fiancé, threw me a lifeline: “Should we host?”
I never thought I’d be the person who hosts Thanksgiving. Who buys the turkey, shepherds the recipes, sets the tone. That felt like a very adult thing to do.
But if I wanted Thanksgiving, I’d have to step up.
We decided to do it, and that we would keep it simple. Matt handled the turkey (a small, lean French bird from our local volailler), and I cooked everything else. Friends brought wine and desserts. We squeezed 15 people into our apartment, balancing plates on laps and settling wherever there was space to sit. It wasn’t exactly the Thanksgiving of my childhood, but it was ours. A mix of Americans, French friends, and others, all living in Paris, gathered around, sharing food and warmth.
Four years later, and it’s now our ritual.
Matt calls our local volailler to order turkeys that look comically tiny by American standards (they are healthy, normal French birds able to fit side-by-side in our small Parisian oven–sold with heads intact). I make lingonberry chutney with frozen berries from Picard (now, I actually prefer them to cranberries). We borrow an extra set of plates from Matt’s brother and pack the apartment with friends, some of whom are now Thanksgiving regulars.
The celebration has taken on its own shape—the one we’ve given it.
The Ways We Find Thanksgiving
But it’s not just me. Thanksgiving has a certain gravity for all of us who live abroad.
As the day approaches, I found myself wondering what traditions my other American expat and long-time traveler friends feel the need to recreate when Thanksgiving rolls around.
Do they make a certain dish? Do they try to spend time with certain people? Do they try to experience a certain feeling? Do they book a flight back to the US?
Here’s what they said:
Jane—American, living in Paris: “I go home. Actually, I am going to Florida because my family decided Illinois weather in November isn’t ideal, and we’d rather all be together somewhere warm. We also kind of boycotted Thanksgiving food… so instead, we’re on year four or five of homemade pumpkin gnocchi. In Paris, I was here for one year, and it was rather sad, but we bought the Tarte à l’Érable (maple syrup tart) from Tapisserie because it was the most festive thing I could think of.” [Check out Jane and her work here.]
Shawne—American, living in Paris: “I don’t have any real traditions away from home yet 😭. The first year, I got COVID for the first time from a Friendsgiving. Then I went home and cooked for my family—I loved that. Then I had another Friendsgiving. So, I’m excited to make some new traditions here.”
From Catherine's camera roll. A miso & Calvados-marinated turkey on left. A cat friend on right. - —American, living in Paris: “I love Thanksgiving here. Since it’s not tied to the actual day, I end up having three or four celebrations… It’s Thanksgiving month! I’m stuffed like a little turkey by the end of it. The best move I made was convincing a rotisserie to roast the turkey for me and Uber-ing it home. It was the juiciest bird ever. Otherwise, I always make pumpkin whoopie pies and some form of stuffing.” [Check out her Substack, CiaoDown.]
Lane—American, living in Paris: “Friendsgiving is a tradition I loved celebrating back home in Miami, and most of my friends in Paris have created their own version… It’s a great way to get everyone together, show off your culinary skills, and bring together who we consider family in the city we now call home. I always bring dessert because I love seeing the interpretations of pumpkin pie at my favorite boulangeries like Ten Belles.” [Check out Lane and her work here.]
Hannah—American, living in China (previously Spain): “I haven’t had Thanksgiving in the U.S. since 2019. Every year, I do a Friendsgiving… In Spain, most of my friends were British, so I was the token American, but they would always make sure to have pumpkin pie. We usually did roast chicken instead of turkey! This year in China, I think we’re doing duck.”
- —American, frequent traveler (currently abroad): “Here are the things I always make at Thanksgiving, or really any holiday meal, when abroad (both alone or at other folks’ places to feel more at home). Deviled eggs: All you need are eggs and mayonnaise (and whatever spices and tanginess you can find). Seriously, who doesn’t love deviled eggs? Cheese balls are my other must. I adapt them based on where I am: in Tuscany, pecorino; Mexico, Oaxaca cheese; France, Comté. They’re a staple in the South of the United States. And foolproof. Just like deviled eggs, you can always find the ingredients…wherever you are. Roll [cheese balls] in nuts, set [them] on the table, and that’s it!” [Check out her Substack, Bitchen.]
Athena—American, living in Paris: “I usually don’t go home because it’s so close to Christmas… but I generally either cook or go to a friend’s! It’s always more of a success if I go to a friend’s because I haven’t quite figured out how to make a pecan pie.”
It’s Never (Just) About the Turkey
Thanksgiving doesn’t just show up. We have to find it. Sometimes, we have to create it—especially when we’re far from home.
The table might look different, the food might change, the first attempts might not land, and the feeling might take time to arrive.
While I’m writing about the expat experience, I know this also speaks to a generational shift that many of us millennials are beginning to feel. We’re creating our own family units, inventing new traditions, and carrying forward the parts of our heritage we love, while leaving behind what no longer fits.
What I’m learning is that Thanksgiving isn’t a set of rules or recipes. It’s a feeling. It’s the people who gather and the effort it takes to create something meaningful.
And, if we’re lucky, we get to carry it with us, reshaping it year after year, until it feels just right.
I absolutely love this collaborative style of posting. I have a couple collaborative posts planned this year. I look forward to reading more in this style from you, Elyssa! Please don't hesitate to reach out to me for your next one if appropriate!
Jadore 🦃